Plaztik's House of Urgery

	hortly after escaping from Aladdin’s brass lamp after an unprecedented security lapse in the spring of 1921,
	or, if you prefer, once upon a time,

Plaztik discovered that on the outside even pampered genies were expected to support themselves.

Providing for sustenance and shelter had not been pressing concerns while hibernating in a dark and dreamy state of suspended animation, and so Plaztik, turned complacent over his eons of confinement, had unwittingly allowed his knowledge of the world to grow scant, his job skills obsolete, and his resume terribly dated.

As winter approached and his needs increased, Plaztik fell back on his sole marketable talent. On a lean-to made of twigs, he hung out a simple shingle declaring 'Plaztik's House of Urgery' officially open for business.

His prices were modest and his code of ethics simple. After an eternity of catering to the power-hungry, Plaztik vowed henceforth to deny granting the frivolous luxuries of old and fulfill only those wishes intended to eradicate disease and ease human suffering.

Since his last visit out of the lamp, the world had clearly entered an era of diminishing resources, and it seemed obvious to him that the excesses encouraged by his former employer could no longer be tolerated.

The days of three easy wishes were over. Henceforth, only the most urgent of one’s urges would be granted.

Plaztik's first visitor to the House of Urgery was a newlywed farmer grown impotent. In desparate need of sons to help him with his chores, the man expressed his "urge to merge," a wish that Plaztik granted without hesitation.

Not many months after, the man’s wife found herself pregnant.

Plaztik’s second client, the town’s stingy banker, felt guilty over his accumulation of a vast fortune yet was too constitutionally greedy to give away a penny. "I have the urge to splurge," he said. Soon after, he felt moved by the spirit to fund a charitable foundation providing medical care to the impoverished.

Word of Plaztik's successes spread quickly. The town’s mayor, previously a skeptic, became impacted by a bowel obstruction. "I have the urge to purge," he pleaded. Happily, the desired result came to pass.

An elderly lady in unbearable pain from terminal cancer sent word of her "urge to dirge." She died the very next day.

A pudgy teenage girl the height of a five year old communicated her "urge to surge" . . .

. . . which was answered with a growth spurt more typical of bamboo.

Following an unexpected summer plague of encephalitis-bearing mosquitoes, a most urgent "urge to scourge" resulted in an unseasonable chill that killed off all the lusty bloodsuckers.

Minus competition, Plaztik’s clientele grew rapidly until it became necessary for him to relocate the House of Urgery to larger quarters and hire an accountant to help screen through their mounting piles of requests.

The young man proved himself an able employee and showed excellent judgment under stress.

After more than a year of unremitting hard work, Plaztik, who, after all, had gone an eternity without a real vacation, decided he was ready for a rest and took leave to reacquaint himself with the world and perhaps visit his bellydancer girlfriend.

Time, of course, means little to the immortal.

The accountant reported continued business prosperity and mailed Plaztik larger and larger sums of money thus allowing him to extend his vacation for over forty years and visit thousands of ancient friends. He even met a fairy, fell in love, and got engaged.

Rested and ready to resume work, Plaztik returned only to be amazed by how much his operation had changed. The business complex now spread out over six acres of lavishly landscaped grounds.

The accountant, now elderly but surprisingly free of wrinkles, supervised a staff of fifty-two nurses and nineteen doctors, all aggressive young men and women who acted smitten with themselves,

dressed like financiers,

and drove the fanciest of automobiles.

The most noticeable change, however, was in the makeup of Plaztik’s clientele and the odd nature of their wishes.

(conclusion on page two)