the most honest and telling short fiction
contest disclosure in the entire literary universe
1. your story may be of any quality, but please let us read only your finest work. of course the more times you enter, the higher your odds of winning. so, really, there's no need to be shy.
2. don't you just hate those arbitrary word count limits? so do we. one word or one zillion, it's all the same to us. words are our business, and we love them.
3. we especially enjoy reading single-spaced rough drafts printed in tiny colored fonts adorned with cutesy illustrations (in case you couldn't tell). genre doesn't matter. and if you only write non-fiction, rhyming poetry, or magazine ad copy in Arabic, no problem.
4. don't worry about rigid font restrictions, margin measurements, page numbers, SASEs, postmark deadlines, and then the dreaded three month wait. it's just so 1990s and has nothing to do with good writing.
5. no paperclips or staples, please. this is an online competition and any metal can grind things to a halt.
6. spellchecking is advised butt not required.
7. while we try hard to be flexible, we prefer receiving (more or less) original work currently under simultaneous review at no more than ten other contests.
8. while crucial, this guideline remains private (which is entirely okay since it's only one of twelve).
9. be sure to enclose the token reading fee of $25 (yes, per story) to help defray our ever-increasing administrative costs and allow us to continue to devote our fullest efforts to evaluating each and every submission with due care and deliberation. consider it a wise investment in your future.
10. why no inflated bios or at least a coversheet? as our judge is unbelievably impartial, there is no advantage in being:
(a) a past or present creative writing student of our judge, or
(b) an editor at another journal willing to publish our judge, or
(c) married to or having an affair with our judge.
11. if you don't believe (10), get this: our judge is actually a proprietary software program that has been programmed to defeat your computer's firewall, scan your hard drive, locate all of your short fiction, analyze every sentence (not just the first two), and then instantly spot genius, 24/7/365! more about our judge
12. if you don't believe (11), please at least believe (9). and no, there aren't any fee waivers for poor emerging unknowns as this might be taken to indicate bias.
we are eager to read your work!
so, itching to see what might happen if you edit
your stories and give us another try?
just imagine -- WHAT IF YOU WIN?
(that's right! what if you win?)
for an instant decision (including a valuable free bonus!)
from our speedreading, lovable, eco-friendly judge,
hold your breath for two seconds and
tap to awaken her
(additional reading fees apply)
warning:
as manuscripts cannot be returned, please
be certain you've backed up your hard disk
disclaimer:
if, in the sole opinion of our judge, no submission
meets our standards for quality, we reserve the right to
name no winners. all decisions are final. no refunds.
